Inner Beauty
by CryingDragon
Summary: Buffy and Giles get a new perspective
1. Default Chapter

Title: Inner Beauty (1/8)

This story was written by me and a friend as a sort of challenge. 

Rating: PG

Spoilers: It falls between Seasons 4 and 5, and in an A/U far far from wherever Joss would think to take it.

Disclaimer: Joss, Mutant Enemy, WB, UPN, FOX, and whoever else got themselves a sweet deal Sunnydale and its inhabitants own them. We just decided to use them for our own evil and completely profit free purposes.

Note: No Fraggles or Smurfs were harmed in the making of this story. However several did 'volunteer' to be part of the after party meal. Whoever made them owns them… We just borrowed them, and some string beans to use as floss. If you grow string beans check your garden, we may have taken them.

Dedication: To Wenchie, who helped bring us together. (Too late to apologize for that) It's been a hell of a ride, but we're off to conquer lands beyond the horizon.

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Buffy felt dizzy, so she closed her eyes for a second. Suddenly she felt herself falling and landing on someone. Opening her eyes she saw… the lunch lady. Naked. With a scream she leapt up and looked down at herself. She was a man, and also naked. She let out another scream. The lunch lady sat up.

"Principal Snyder?" The big woman asked. 

"Oh please let this be a bad dream." Buffy said out loud. That's when the lunch lady got a look at herself. 

"What the bloody hell?!" she exclaimed. "I've got to find Buffy."

"I've got to find Giles." Buffy said at almost the same time.

"Buffy?"

"Giles?" That's when both of them heard the chuckling. Looking around they found a miniature pterodactyl of all things. 

"Well Ripper old boy, not exactly how you pictured your first time with the slayer is it?" 

"Ethan." Buffy and Giles growled at the same time.

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After they had found their clothes, Buffy and Giles cornered the flying reptile.

"What's the big idea?" Buffy screamed at him. 

"Buffy, please. Let's go about this in a logical fashion." Giles pulled her away.

"I knew you'd want to be the logica…awk!" Ethan squawked as Giles grabbed him around the throat with both hands and began to throttle him. "Ripper…*gag*…I…can't …*choke*…change …you…back…if…"Giles released him. "It wasn't my idea to be here. Let alone looking like this."

"It is a rather interesting choice, Ethan." Giles hid a snicker. "So why are you here and why do we look like this?"

"The Powers That Be put a curse on me. I have to do something special in order to be changed back. And since I have no choice, I figured I'd have a little fun with it." Somehow he managed to sneer with the beak.

"So what's this 'something special'?" Buffy asked still trying not to beat the thing senseless.

"That would be telling. Let's just say it involves the two of you and the first Slayer and Watcher."

"Then why did you switch us with Snyder and the lunch lady?"

"To give you a new perspective on things. I wonder how your esteemed former principal and, Bertha I think her name is, are handling their new outlook."

Buffy and Giles looked at each other in horror. They hadn't thought about the true residents of their present bodies. 

"Your place." Buffy said. And they took off running.

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"Hey Giles," Buffy gasped as they ran towards Giles' apartment. "Didn't Snyder... err die when the mayor

ate him?"

They had trouble adjusting to their new bodies. Buffy found her legs were shorter than even she was used

to, and Giles found parts of him wobbling where there had never been parts before. He reached up and tried

to hold his breasts in place as they bounced. 

"Yes.. We need to research.. as soon as we.. Can't talk." Giles panted. He'd never felt so unfit, sweat was

pouring down his face. Err her face (this is where the author got confused G) 

He noticed a gold band around his finger as he did so. He frowned and slowed down to a slow walk. 

"Buffy," he managed to pant out getting her attention.

She glanced around to find Giles falling behind and stopped, letting him/her catch up. "What is it Giles? We have to get to them before they try to go anywhere. And you didn't answer my question." 

"If I knew the answer I wouldn't have suggested research." He glared at her.

"How did you manage that."

"What?"

"The patented 'Giles' glare. Although it does look funny on the lunch lady's face."

Giles gave a frustrated sigh. "I really don't think that matters at the moment. What I was trying to point out to you before you changed the subject, is that it would appear our current bodies are married." He held up the hand with the ring.

She looked down at her hand to see the matching one. "Snyder and the lunch lady? Eeewww."

"She does have a name you know. I think Ethan said it was Bertha. When we're out in public it would be best if you called me that."

Buffy grinned, not a pleasant sight on Snyder's features. "Okay, Bertha. It's just hard to imagine those two having smoochies. Although, considering what they were doing when we switched…very shudder-worthy."

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They reached the door to Giles' apartment without any incident, and were about to enter when Giles stopped. "We have to handle this very carefully. Whichever one is in your body may have your strength and considering the state these two are in, we may not be able to fight them should it come down to it. With luck, they'll be too traumatized to do anything."

They quietly entered the living room to find the luggage, from a retreat the two of them were supposed to go on, scattered about the room, and the two people they were looking for huddled in corners on opposite sides of the room. At the sight of Buffy/Snyder and Giles/Bertha, the one in Buffy's body promptly screamed and fainted. "That must be Snyder." Buffy giggled.

"Buffy", Giles said sternly, "This is not the time to start laughing. But I think you're right. That would appear to be Principal Snyder." He walked softly over to his body. "You must be Bertha." He said quietly.

The woman in his body stared at him horror stricken. When he tried to draw closer to offer some reassurance, she swung at him. "I've had about enough of this. First a giant snake tries to eat my husband only to shit him out again. Do you know how long it took to get rid of that stench! Then we end up switching bodies with the librarian and his little hussy. I told him I wanted to move away from Sunnyhell, but noooo. He had to stay here. Well we're definitely getting out of here now!" All of this was punctuated with punches and kicks aimed at Giles, though few of them connected. Finally, Buffy had enough.

"What a bitch!" and punched the lunch lady in the face knocking her out. Giles looked at his prone body.

"Did you have to hit me so hard? When I get back in there, I'm going to have a black eye."

"We don't have time to worry about that now. What are we gonna do with them?"

Giles thought for a moment. "Well the others aren't expecting to see us for a few days. They think we're on a retreat to try and mend our relationship. So, as much as I loathe the idea, we'll have to tie them up and put them in the basement. That way at least they'll stay out of trouble."

"I am so gonna kill Ethan." Buffy groaned. At that instant, they both remembered that he had been left behind in their hurry to keep Snyder and Bertha from going anywhere.

"I don't think you want to do that." A voice said from behind them. They turned to find Ethan hopping through the door. "I'm the only one who can send you back."

Buffy grabbed him. "How did you get here?"

Ethan stretched his wings. "How do you think? I have to admit, It was worth looking like this just to see the two of you trying to run." He snorted, "What's the matter, Ripper? Do you need a sports bra?"

Buffy tossed him across the room. "Tit's... I mean, it's not that funny."

"Buffy, we can do without the puns, I think."

"It wasn't what I meant to say."

Giles/Bertha turned to Ethan. "You said something about the first Watcher and Slayer. What exactly did you mean?"

Ethan giggled (that's right, giggled) and said, "All I can tell you is that you are connected very closely to them."

Buffy reached out to grab Ethan around the neck but he was too quick for her and hovered out of the way.

"You're gonna have to be faster than that to catch me, Slayer." His last word was dripping with sarcasm.

Giles in the meantime had made his own grab for his own friend, only to find Ethan's beak was as sharp as it looked. "Damn you Ethan," he cried as he looked at his bleeding hand.

Ethan just grinned, which looked really weird on the beak of a pterodactyl, and proceeded to hover just out of Buffy's reach.

"Nyer Nyer." 

The next second Ethan felt the tips of Buffy's finger tips as she jumped up to capture him, he decided he wasn't in the best position if he stayed where he was, so he took off zooming around the room with one very irate Slayer chasing after him.

She managed to corner him by the desk, knocking several items off of it in the process. For a second she was distracted when she thought she heard an 'oomph' coming from the stapler, followed by a 'yipe' from the hole punch, but quickly forgot it as Ethan tried to fly over her head.

"Not so fast, bird brain." She said as she grabbed for his feet. 

Suddenly, Ethan plummeted, having been struck by a glass thrown by Giles.

"I knew being the bowler on my University cricket team would come in handy."

Giles picked up the vase from on top of the TV, and placed it on top of Ethan. It was heavy enough so that there was no way the sorcerer would be able to tip it off, and clear apart from the etching on the front so they could see what he was up to.

Buffy looked at Giles and sighed. "I'll tie up these two and drag them downstairs. You start getting the books together."

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"According to this legend, the first slayer was a demigod who was trying to become more powerful, so she attempted to create life. But since she wasn't powerful enough, a vampire was created instead. By the time the gods above her found out, it had already turned quite a few people. Her punishment was to go into the world as a human, albeit with some advantages, and kill them." Giles continued reading silently for a few moments. "And it would appear the First Watcher was her lover, another demigod, who feared for her safety and asked to be with her. So they assigned him the task of making sure she was always prepared to fight any evil that should appear."

"That doesn't explain how a new Slayer is called."

"Well I would imagine that, since vampires still roam the Earth, she just keeps getting reincarnated. but without the memory of her previous selves."

Buffy thought for a moment. "But then how do you explain the fact that the next slayer is already alive when the old one dies?"

Giles made a frustrated sound. "How the bloody hell should I know. Maybe because this way when she's called, she's old enough to do more then wet her nappies." 

"Geez, Giles, touchy much?" Buffy pouted, not a pleasant sight on Snyder's face. "After all, you're the one with the books. I thought maybe it would say in one of them."

Buffy sighed and plonked herself down on the couch. Her mouth widened in the form of an "O", and she stared at Giles until he put down the book to look at her.

"Yes, Buffy?"

"So the slayer, the demigod... is always reincarnated as the slayer?"

"Yes, I just told you that."

"Giles. I'm the slayer."

"Good Lord."

They turned as they heard what sounded rather like a pterodactyl clapping it's wings together, to find Ethan in fact doing exactly that.

"They figured it out. A point to the watcher slayer team." His voice echoed as he spoke through the glass.

Suddenly Buffy giggled, the sound was strange coming from Snyder. Her vocal chords began to hurt as if the man hadn't used his laughing muscles in a long time. "Ethan's stuck in the cone of silence."

Giles just rolled his eyes. That's when he caught sight of the things that had fallen from the desk. "Holey! Steve!" He screeched and ran over to them. "Oh I'm so sorry! Are you hurt?" He started to cry as he placed them back on the desk. "Oh dear. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Buffy looked at him for a moment. "Giles? What's wrong?"

Ethan chuckled from his vase. "Yeah what's the matter old boy? Do you have PMS or something?"

Giles promptly burst into tears again. "I do NOT have PMS." He said angrily. "It's probably just that I'm tired. After all we don't know how long these bodies have been awake. That along with the shock, I'm sure we just need some sleep."

"I'll take the couch." Buffy sighed.

Giles thought for a moment. "Actually, it might be better if we slept together."

"Giles!"

"Wh-what I m-meant to say was, we should stay as close to each other as possible until we solve this."

"Oh. Ok"

As they started up the stairs to Giles' bedroom, Giles asked. "I don't have PMS, do I?"

"I don't know. I have nothing to compare to."

They failed to hear Ethan as he muttered to himself. "Knew he couldn't figure it out that fast."


	2. chapter 2

Disclaimer and notes with part one.

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When Buffy woke up she realized she was holding some one's hand. Opening her eyes she was momentarily shocked to find the lunch lady lying next to her. Suddenly the events of the previous day came flooding back to her. After some minutes of silent wigging, Buffy decided to make the best of it and got up, trying not to wake Giles. After taking care of the necessary morning bathroom visit, a particularly gross and unnerving experience once Buffy remembered she was in Snyder's body, she decided to make breakfast. Ethan was still in his vase, apparently asleep. Hearing thumps from the basement, Buffy made a mental note to talk to Giles about what to do with the people who were staying in their bodies, and proceeded to make pancakes.

She had just finished setting the table when she heard Giles get out of bed and run to the bathroom. Since he was in the bertha's body, it was a sound reminiscent of a herd of elephants. After what seemed like a long time, he finally made his way to the kitchen, stopping to pick up Ethan on his way through the living room. "Might as well feed you too." Giles muttered.

Buffy looked up as Giles sat heavily down in a chair, causing it to groan under the sudden weight. "My god Giles. You look awful. Are you feeling ok?"

Giles looked at her weakly. "Not particularly. My stomach seems to be rebelling against me this morning." He looked at the pancakes Buffy had put on the table. "Excuse me." He mumbled and ran back to the bathroom, where Buffy could hear him as he gagged loudly. 

"Well there goes my appetite," Buffy grumbled, as she pushed away her plate. She looked at Ethan. "I don't suppose you want any of these?" The pterodactyl squeaked a yes, so Buffy removed the vase and pushed a plate towards him. "And don't even think of trying anything, or you go back in the vase." Giles came back to the kitchen and leaned on the counter. 

"What's the matter, Ripper? Feeling a little sick this morning?" Ethan said between gulps. "Maybe it's not PMS, but something else?"

Giles and Buffy looked at each other in horror.

"You don't think you're…"

"Oh dear lord!"

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Once the shock of Giles/Bertha's possible condition had worn down a little, Buffy remembered the two in the basement. 

"We can't just leave them like that. " she said. "They're bound to get hungry, and I think the lunch lady is nasty enough without her being hungry too."

Giles thought for a moment. "I suppose I could put some sort of sleeping spell on our bodies, so that we don't have to worry about them." He reached for one of his magic books. "And cast it so that it will wear off once we return to them."

"You might want to erase their memories too." Buffy suggested. "I don't want a pissed off Bertha coming to look for me."

Ethan laughed. "You two seem to be avoiding the main problem. Why are you in this situation in the first place?"

"I don't suppose you have anything helpful you could tell us, Ethan?" Giles asked.

"Like I said old boy, I'm not allowed to give you the answer." The little reptile thought for a moment. "But I can tell you, that you haven't found out everything there is to know about Watchers and Slayers."

Buffy turned to the small dinosaur and tapped him hard on the head. He fell over unconscious and Buffy sighed, "Gee that felt good."

"BUFFY!" Giles exclaimed, "He might have been able to tell us something else." Giles stopped to ponder for a moment. "Next time, let me. You could have killed him, Slayer strength and everything."

Buffy smiled and shrugged, "Only if I get to do it the time after that."

"Well yes, okay. We can take turns. Although, do you think if we keep knocking him out it could cause permanent damage."

Buffy shrugged, "And the problem with that is?"

"Hmm." Giles looked at Buffy for a moment. "He can't really defend himself at the moment. When and if he ever becomes human again we can kick the living stuffing out of him." He then sighed and settled down to research the spell.

The phone rang and Buffy automatically moved to answer it. "Hello?"

"G-man? Is that you?" Xander's voice replied.

Buffy stood frozen for a second. "No. Sorry. Wrong number." She said and slammed the phone down.

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Xander looked at Willow. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear Snyder just answered Giles phone."

"I told you something was wrong. Giles car is still there but we haven't heard from either one of them since they said goodbye yesterday." Willow said in a worried voice. "I think we should go over there." 

"Maybe they decided to become orgasm friends." Anya offered. Xander and Willow just stared at her. "What? Don't tell me you two didn't notice the way they behave towards each other. And it would explain why Giles' car is still there. And why they didn't want any of us to go with them. And wasn't Principal Snyder eaten by the Mayor?"

Xander thought for a minute. "An's right. Maybe Buffy decided to finally get past the 'eww'. If she did she could show me how. Then again, maybe not. I must have dialed a wrong number and thought it sounded like Snyder." He picked up the phone again. "I'll try again and if we get the machine, I'm gonna assume that they're ok. And try to avoid the mind numbing thought of Buffy/Giles wrestling." 

"Well." Willow hesitated for a moment. "Ok. But if they don't call us by tomorrow night, I'm going over there." 

They were so intent on their conversation that they failed to notice the small portal that opened up in a corner. Several small blue creatures walked out of it and through the room. 

"Are we there yet Papa Smurf?"

"No my little smurfs. We still have a way to go."

Anya saw them and opened her mouth to say something, but they had left through another portal before she could, so she closed her mouth again.

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Buffy realized her mistake when she had answered the phone, so she made sure to let the machine get it when it rang again a few minutes later. 

"Hey G-man, just wanted to make sure you guys got off okay…I mean didn't have any problems trying to go on your trip. I'll talk to you when you get back." 

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. At least they hadn't immediately rushed over here to find out why Snyder had answered the phone. She sat down at the desk and knocked the stapler off onto the floor. Again she could have sworn she heard a muffled 'oomph' as it landed. Leaning over to pick it up, she glanced at the bookcase. On the bottom shelf were cookbooks. 'I didn't think he knew how to cook.' She thought, when her attention was caught by a black binding that looked out of place. She pulled it out, trying not to sneeze at the dust that rose from the shelf. It was a little black book whose title had worn off over time. 

"Who was on the phone?" Giles asked. 

"Xander. What's this book?" 

Giles jumped up form his chair. "Xander! We have to leave. Now. He can't see us like this. And he can't see Ethan."

Buffy put her hand on his arm. "Giles, chill. He's not coming over. Did you find the spell?"

Giles looked confused. "Spell? What spell? Oh, oh yes the spell. Yes I found it. I just need to go down there and cast it. Then I think we'd better leave."

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A short time later, they returned from the basement, the spell having been successful. Buffy remembered the book she had found earlier and mentioned it again to Giles. 

"It's just a bit of nonsense written by a watcher who went insane after his slayer died." Giles looked around for his keys. "Damn. I must have left them in my trouser pocket. I'll have to go back down and get them."

Without thinking, Buffy grabbed her purse and put the book in it. Giles came back up and went straight for the door. "We'd better get going. Just in case Xander decides to show up anyway. I threw a blanket over us, I mean Snyder and Bertha just in case he looks down there."

They started out the door, when they heard a squawk from behind them. "It's not going to be that easy to get rid of me." Ethan said as he climbed up Buffy's leg. "You need me to get you back into shape, as it were."

They climbed into Giles Citroen, put Ethan on the backseat, and drove off, not noticing Willow, who had decided to check on them anyway, walking around the corner. She stared after the car, not quite believing her eyes. 

"So where are we going?" Buffy asked. 

Giles stopped the car. "I have no idea." Ethan laughed. Giles glared at him in the rearview mirror. "I don't suppose you have any helpful suggestions."

"As a matter of fact, Ripper, I do."

"Would you like to tell us where, or do I get to hit you over the head again?" Buffy asked.

"Buffy." Giles admonished. "It's my turn remember?"

Ethan looked back and forth between them for a moment. "Ok. Turn left up here. You want to get to Acorn Street." 

They drove in silence until they reached the street they were looking for. Giles slowed the car down even more than usual. "Which house?"

"They'll have a sign on the front lawn with an acorn and a candle on it."

Giles spotted the house and parked out front. "It would appear they're having a party of some sort." Cars were parked everywhere and the sound of many people were drifting out to the street. "What could we possibly learn here?"

"We'll just have to go in and find out won't we, old boy?"

Giles looked at the reptile. "You can't possibly be serious about coming in with us?"

"I don't think they'll really notice anything unusual about me. They're pretty used to living on the Hellmouth and having strange things happen. They've even been the authors of some rather interesting happenings themselves. But you're not going to find out anything if you don't go in."

They sat there for a few minutes more, watching people go into the house, some in costumes, some with straight jackets, before they got out of the car. They knocked on the door, which was answered by a woman with dark hair, and wearing tweed, who said, "Hi, Welcome to the House of Nuts party. Cool costumes."


	3. chapter3

Disclaimer and notes with part one. ************************************* 

Buffy and Giles found themselves in a room full of people. Off to one side was what appeared to be a puppet show. As they watched what was going on around them, they realized that they were one of the main themes of the evening. They wandered about the room, listening to bits of conversations from the

mostly female gathering.

"Aw comre on Wenchie. I keep te;llig you it's Morr's fualt. I only stux my tungue out at her becuase of whait she sed."

"I don't care Sav. That was still no excuse to sic Herbert on her." Wenchie was waving around a tweed hankie in one hand, and a wand that had spoiler space written on it in the other, as she spoke. "He ate her arms for heaven's sake. Now what kind of listmom would I be if I just let that go?"

"Butt, I gasve them back."

Morr spoke up at that point. "Speaking of arms, Sav, could you please take yours back and give me mine. I'm getting tired of having to retype everything." 

Giles suggested that they split up and see if they could find out what they were supposed to learn from this strange group. Both had to walk around the strange cow that was standing in the middle of the room. 

Buffy slowly worked her way around the room to where two women, one in a mouse costume and another with two children climbing on her, were arguing with another woman wearing a tiara the had PITA spelled out in coloured stones. 

"I'm telling you, Dee," the mouse was saying, "Giles, Snyder, and the Lunch Lady. It's perfectly natural. Snyder already has a thing for Giles." 

"If he didn't, he wouldn't have acted that way in 'Band Candy'." The woman with the kids added. "Are you sure this isn't a Kindy day?"

"Oh come on, Tag, Jac. Snyder and the Lunch Lady, sure. I will at least say they fit together. But why would Giles go for it." 

"He went for Ethan didn't he?" The mouse said with a grin.

As Buffy listened to the conversation, she noticed that there seemed to be a shrine of sorts dedicated to Giles. One of the things that stood out the most was the jar of "Tasters Choice" sitting to one side, obviously unopened. The shrine was covered in photos of Giles in various poses. She reached out to trace his face on the way that had quickly become her favourite. She'd only known him about a year back then; he was dressed in tweed leaning against one of the library bookcases. She glanced over to where he was standing and felt a twinge, as she realised she missed his body almost as much as she missed her own. She sighed and smiled as she looked around at the rest of the pictures. She found herself particularly fascinated with the one of Giles bare chested. 'Who'da thought he had such a nice body? Even better than David Hasselhoff.' There in the middle was a doll that looked like Giles. Buffy picked it up and looked at it. Was Giles butt really that tight? She glanced over at Giles. Well maybe not right now, but she made a mental note to check when they got back in their bodies.

"See, I told you Snyder had a thing for Giles." Tag gestured toward Buffy who realized she was stroking the doll's rear.

She dropped it and said "Um…Ewww?"

"Oh. She's over there with Elixie, doing the puppet show."

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Giles stopped to watch the puppet show. It seemed to be a Punch and Judy, but something was not quite right. He realized with a start, that instead of Punch or Judy, the puppets were of Buffy and himself. 

"Oh Giles, I don't feel so good." The Buffy puppet squeaked. Then both puppets dropped behind the stage. They were replaced with ones in the likeness of Snyder and the lunch lady. A hand reached up and placed a toy pterodactyl on the stage. 

"You have to find out the connection between Slayer and Watcher, but I'm going to be a royal bastard and not tell you anything useful." At which point, the Snyder puppet started to beat on the toy with a stick.

"Oh yes you will tell us." 

"Oh no I won't." 

"Oh yes you will."

"Okay, I'll tell you." Then the voice doing Ethan started to sing "You've Got to Kiss the Girl" from the 'Little Mermaid'. The song came to an abrupt halt and the Snyder puppet suddenly disappeared, only to reappear on the outside if the stage setting, beating on the woman who had met them at the door. She and the puppeteer were tugging back and forth on a carton of 'Farmer's Union Iced Coffee'.

"That's mine Gail. Let go!"

"No. It's mine, Ewie. Finish your puppet show."

At this point the Bertha puppet also had left the stage. Another woman, with obviously dyed red hair poked her head around. "C'mon guys. At this rate we'll never get to the point where they figure out to check the book Buffy found."

Ewie stopped beating on Gail long enough to ask "But aren't the Fraggles supposed to come first, Elixie?"

"No, they come later. But if you two don't stop fighting over that damn milk, we won't even get to the part where those guys try to sleep with Ethan." She pointed to a small group of five women.

Ethan in the meantime had climbed up to perch on Giles shoulder. For a moment Giles panicked but no one seemed to notice the reptile.

A woman separated herself from the waiting to sleep with Ethan group and walked over to Giles.

"Hi. I'm Dusty. I like your costume, only I don't think Bertha had a pterodactyl." She reached out and stroked his beak. 

"Actually, my name is Ethan, and I didn't ordinarily look like this." He said.

Her eyebrow shot up in surprise, then her expression changed to a sly grin. "Really. You know, I think you and I have a few things in common. Why don't we go into the other room and talk about it."

Ethan looked at her. "Give me one good reason why I should."

Dusty smiled evilly and plucked him off Giles shoulder. "I can give you twenty." She chuckled as she carried him away. 

Before they got too far, they were stopped by another woman. "And just where do you think you're going with him?"

Dusty tried, unsuccessfully, to look innocent. "What? It's just a pterodactyl."

"Yeah, right. I heard him say he was Ethan." She grabbed one of his wings. "And I'm the one he belongs with." 

"No way Julie! He's mine!" Dusty grabbed the other wing. They started to pull back and forth in a tug-of-war, when suddenly both wings popped off. In an instant, the small reptile started to change form. As he began to take on the appearance of a human, the three other women who had been waiting by the puppet show for him suddenly ran in and dragged him away.

"Oh no you don't. Cashew, let go of that. It's mine" Dusty said as she and Julie ran after them "Gill, I don't care if you are the right height, you can't have it either." Dusty and Julie chased them around the room. "Tor, don't do that. I have plans for him." Dusty stopped for a moment. Suddenly, she picked up a fakie someone had brought. "Hey guys, nekkid Giles!" The three women holding Ethan stopped. They ran over to look at the picture and instantly turned into puddles of goo. Dusty walked over to Julie, who was trying to drag Ethan into another room. "And as for you…"

"Now ladies," Ethan said with a grin, "I'm sure we can work something out." He placed an arm around each of them. "After all, I've had my vitamins. We can take as much time as we need to settle this." The three of them started off again, with Dusty and Julie swatting at each other behind Ethan's back.

Buffy and Giles watched them go. "I think this is a good time to get out of here." Buffy said.

"I'm inclined to agree."


	4. chapter4

Disclaimer and notes with part one. *********************************** 

Willow climbed in a window, after finding out the front door was locked. Taking in the mess that had once been neatly packed luggage, she decided to search the house. In the living room were signs of either a struggle or research, sometimes it was hard to tell. After going through the rest of the flat, she decided to look in the basement. Almost immediately, she saw the blanket covered lump on the floor. Throwing back the blanket, Willow saw the bound and apparently unconscious forms of Buffy and Giles. She immediately tried to untie them but found that no matter how hard she tried, the knots just wouldn't budge. She shook them gently to try and wake them up, but that didn't work either. Remembering something she had read in one of Giles' books she tried an awakening spell. "Sopor incedo." Almost immediately she was rewarded with a groan from Giles.

"What happened?" Buffy asked

"You--you were under some sort of spell. I think Herr Snyder had something to do with it. I saw him and that lunch lady that tried to poison the school drive away in Giles' car."

Buffy looked at Willow with a confused look in her eyes. "Miss Rosenburg? You're involved with all this too? "

"What did you expect? She was always in the library with that damn limey and his slut all the time." Giles growled.

It was now Willow's turn to look confused. "W-wwait a minute. Giles? Buffy? What are you talking about?"

Buffy started to struggle with the ropes. "I am not Miss Summers. Now if you would be so kind to untie us and tell us what the hell is going on, I'll see to it the police go easy on you. Kidnapping is a federal offense after all."

"You're not Buffy! Who are you?" Willow gasped. "You're Principal Snyder and- and Big Bertha!" She then turned and ran up the stairs and out of the flat, barely stopping to unlock the door first.

Downstairs the two irate people she left behind were starting to realize that they weren't getting loose anytime soon. So they did the only thing they could. 

"Heeelp!!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy/Snyder knocked on the door as hard as she could. "C'mon Giles! This is like the fourth time you've been in the bathroom since we left the party."

Giles/Bertha opened the door and headed for the car. "Well I do apologise Buffy. After all, I'm only pregnant. If we're going to be in these bodies much longer, I should think it's only going to get worse."

"Well sor-ry. Geez. Remind me to never let you get pregnant again." 

"Not bloody likely to happen again, trust me." Giles muttered. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry Buffy. With everything that's happened so far, I just can't seem to help acting like this."

"That's ok Giles. I keep forgetting about the hormone thing."

"It's not my hormones."

Buffy knew she wouldn't win this argument so she decided to change the subject. "Did you learn anything at the party? All I figured out is that vampire cows give strawberry milk."

"The women doing the puppet show said something about a book you found. Other than that, not much else." Then Giles did a double take. "Vampire cows? Strawberry milk?"

"Long story. A book? The only book I can think of is the one I found right before we left your place." She pulled it out of her purse. "The one you said was written by a crazy watcher. I thought it was your old girlfriend book at first. You know on account of it being a little black book and it was kinda dusty from not being used."

"Ha, bloody, ha. Let me see it." He started to read it to himself. 

After about fifteen minutes, Buffy spoke up. "So are you going to tell me what it says, or do I have to guess?" 

"Sorry. It's more about the first watcher and slayer. There's a bit in here about an evil brother, who was jealous of the god. He also crossed over to make sure his brother never reunited with his true love." Giles went back to his silent reading. Suddenly he turned white and slowly looked up from the book. "Oh my God. Is it possible?"

"What? Is what possible?"

"This also mentions a daughter."

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"Mother, Father, will you ever return?" she flicked her long black hair over her shoulder and petted the unicorn to hide her tears.

"One day my child, we will be here again. If you need us come to us. We will know you." Her mother smiled at her only daughter. "I hate to leave you behind daughter, but you know it must be done."

Her father smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "We will always be with you even when we aren't. If we are needed you have the power to call us home."

Faith gasped and sat up in bed as the image faded from her mind. She felt warm, even with only the threadbare blanket covering her. Soon all she remembered from the dream was the warmth of love, and the feeling of innocence. She glanced around the prison cell and sighed. 

'I'm not meant to be in here. The time is coming when I'm meant to send them home,' was her last thought as she drifted back into sleep. Once again she found herself standing in what could only be classed as paradise.

She approached a wise looking man sitting on a rock; his beard was tucked into his belt. She could see that if he didn't do that he'd trip over it.

"Grandfather." Faith knelt before him, her head bowed.

"Ahh Granddaughter. I've been expecting you. Perhaps not as soon as this, but I have been waiting for you since they left."

"They're forgetting, Grandfather. They've been in the mortal world too long. I wish to bring them home." Her violet eyes showed her determination.

Her grandfather smiled, "You know there is only one way of course?"

She nodded, "I must fetch them. I must be there when she prepares to make the journey across again. As her spirit prepares to leave I have that split second to make it across. I am the granddaughter of a god, the daughter of a god, and the daughter of a goddess. I can do this."

"But child, how will they recognise you? They've been long gone from here. Longer than they were here with you. You too shall forget your immortality when you are down there."

"I will take the name they gave me. To remind them of what they have never lost."

Her grandfather nodded, "Very well Faith."

Faith gasped awake again as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked over to where the person had landed after she had reacted, as she always did when someone woke her in surprise. For one nerve-racking moment she had an incredible urge to call the man in tweed "Uncle."

"Who are you? And what the hell do you want?" Faith's voice was cold, the dream the furthest thing from her mind.

Quentin stood. "I'm Quentin Travers, and it's time for you to come with me."


	5. chapter 5

Disclaimer and notes with part one. ************************************ 

Buffy and Giles were weary after finding all the missing pieces to the puzzle in the little black book. Suddenly, so much more made sense. Their bond with each other, their bond with Faith… it all made sense.

"But if she's 'our' kid, why did she turn all evil and kill people?"

Giles stifled a yawn as he answered. "Perhaps she went power-mad. After all, she didn't have anything in her life to teach her how to handle it."

Buffy thought about that for a while. "It would explain why there's a second slayer. Maybe Kendra was supposed to remind us of who we were, but she died too soon."

"That could be." Giles stifled another yawn. "Sorry."

"No problem. I heard women in your condition sometimes need a lot of sleep." 

"I just hope we find the answer to our problem before I get to experience the miracle of childbirth." Giles moaned. "So the question is, where do we go from here?"

"Maybe we shouldn't have ditched Ethan." Buffy sighed. "He at least was giving us clues, and I miss hitting him on the head."

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"I still want to know why you took me out of prison. I don't remember the council being big on actually helping slayers." 

Travers chuckled. "Now why would you think this has anything to do with you? You are only a means to an end."

Faith felt a shiver of fear go up her spine. "What are you talking about? I thought you broke me out so that you'd have two slayers again."

"Oh my dear, how naive you really are, for all your worldliness. I care not for you as a slayer. Getting a new slayer would just be an added benefit to what I really want. You see, Miss Summers and Mr. Giles have started to realize the truth about their relationship. If you were to be available to them, it would make it impossible for me to keep them apart. So I must eliminate the one thing that will help them succeed. You."

Faith started to edge towards the door of the hotel room he had taken her to. "Why do you think I would help them? After all, B tried to kill me. Not something that would make me want to help her."

"I can't take that risk. You know too much now you've had the dreams. You're starting to remember. It's no use trying to escape. Right outside that door are two members of my special team. They have orders to kill you if you go out that door."

"Why are you doing this? If it's not the slayers you care about, why go through all this trouble to keep them apart?"

Travers smiled at her for a moment. "It's rather simple. She should have been mine. When they came down to this well of misery called humanity, I couldn't let them keep the happiness that they denied me. So I formed the council to ensure that even if they found each other, they would be conditioned to remain emotionally distant. But then when it came to be Miss Summers turn, she was able to keep us from finding her at a young enough age to control her. Her independence awoke his mind enough that even though they still didn't know each other, they were getting closer to the truth. I couldn't have that. The time is coming when they will know their true selves. I must keep that from happening. Then and only then will I be able to claim what should have been mine."

Faith was stunned at the venom and bitterness in his voice. She had never heard him say so much at one time and the force with which he said it held her speechless. Her brain recalled the dreams she had been having lately. If they were the ones who she was supposed to find, then that meant… "So that's why you want me gone. You're afraid that I can remind them of who they are. And all because you couldn't get your groove on with my moth… Buffy." She turned her options over in her mind. He was going to kill her anyway, so it didn't matter if she tried to escape. If she was lucky, maybe she could do something good for B and the librarian by taking him out with her. "How do you know she'd go for you anyway? You keep trying to kill her. That doesn't exactly score points on the love meter with most women." As she said this, she changed direction and started edging towards him, circling so that his back was to the window.

"I can make her love me. But to do that, I need to remove the two things that would remind her. And you my dear are one of them. After I've gotten you out of the way, I can concentrate on finding them."

Faith stopped. "You don't know where they are? I thought you guys always knew where the slayer was."

"Somehow they've managed to hide from me. But I will find them, and when I do, she will be mine."

"Dude, if you couldn't figure out a way to get her in the last million years, I doubt you'll come up with something good now." She started moving towards him again. "And you know what? I don't think you're gonna get the chance anyway." She said as she lunged towards him, sending both of them through the window and plummeting toward the street below.

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As Giles slept on the seat beside her, Buffy thought about all the things they had discovered. She and Giles were actually a demigod and demigoddess. She had screwed up and created vampires so she had to leave her home to come here and kill them. He had left their child so that he could keep her safe until her task was done. Faith was their child and she had left 'heaven', for lack of a better term, to find them and bring them home. As she tried to get all this to sink in, she saw a small portal open up in the wall of the gas station wall in front of her. With everything she had seen during her life and with all that had happened in the last 24 hours, she found it hard to be surprised when smurfs came walking out of it. 

"Where are we going Papa Smurf?" One of them asked.

"As I told you earlier, we have to find Mr. Giles and see if he can help us get rid of Gargamel. Now please, if you keep distracting me, I'll never find the right portal to take us to his house."

"Papa Smurf?"

"Yes Brainy?"

"Are we there yet?"

Papa Smurf stopped in his tracks, turned on the bespecaled blue creature, and yelled "No we're not there yet you four-eyed bastard, and if you keep asking me, I'll feed you to Azreal when we get home. God, why did they have to make you all so smurfing stupid." He then looked up at the person reading this twisted little tale. "What? There aren't any kids reading this. "He then turned back to the story and opened another portal. "Come on you little PITA's lets get this over with." And with that, he led the smurfs through and out of the story.

Buffy just sat there, staring. With a shake of her head, she returned to the problem at hand. Somehow they had to find a way back to their bodies. Obviously, just finding out who they were wasn't enough. This wasn't the something special that Ethan was supposed to do. She supposed they have to go back and find him, but all she wanted to do right now was get something to eat. 


	6. chapter 6

Disclaimer and notes with part one. *********************************** 

"You know it's your fault that we're stuck in this hellhole." Bertha/Giles snarled at Snyder/Buffy. "If we had moved out like I wanted…"

Snyder tuned out what she was saying. He loved her dearly, but was starting to wonder why he had married her. Now that they both were no longer working with children, they didn't seem to anything in common anymore. As he sat contemplating that state of his marriage, he heard a noise off to the side of the room. He looked for the source and almost jumped out of his skin. There, looking out of a hole in the wall, was a strange looking creature. It was the most ungodly shade of yellow he had ever seen. As he watched it started to move out of the hole towards him and his wife. "Bertha." He whispered. "Bertha. Shut the hell up and look over there."

"What do you mean shut up? And look over where? I can't see you, you little shit." She twisted and turned until suddenly, she caught sight of what he was trying to point out. She let out a screech. "Fraggles!" 

"What?"

"They're those rotten Fraggles. Keep 'em away."

"What the hell are you talking about? What are Fraggles?"

Bertha started to whimper. "Please don't kill me. I'm sorry I used your friends for food. Please just go away and I won't ever make Fraggle Pie again."

The creature stopped and looked at them. "I thought something was different about Giles. Hey Red, Guess who's here. It's that lunch lady who fed Boober and Wembly to the school." 

Another Fraggle poked its head out of the hole. This one was red and had ponytails one either side of its head. "Looks like Giles to me, Gobo."

"No. It's her. I think the hellmouth switched them or something."

"If it weren't Giles body, I'd say let's get the Gorg wannabe back for what she did. But I don't think Giles would like it if we hurt her. Besides she's already got a black eye, so someone else already hit her."

"So what do you want to do with her?"

The first one climbed up on Bertha/Giles trembling form. "Boo! I have a few ideas." He grinned.

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When Giles had woken up, they decided that after they got something to eat, they would go back to the nut party and try and find Ethan. After much debate they settled on Chinese food. Buffy watched as Giles ate his with great delight. 

"Um, Giles. I think you're enjoying the chopsticks a little too much. They're supposed to get the food to your mouth, not be dinner themselves."

Giles blushed. "Actually, they have a variety of uses. But I'd rather not go into that." He cleared his throat. "Well, if you're finished, I think now would be a good time to try and track down Ethan."

They drove back to the house where the party was. Surprisingly, it was still going on. If anything, it looked like more people had shown up. Buffy sighed. "How are we going to find him? With all these people here, he can hide if he wants to."

The question was answered by the man himself. As if on cue he came sauntering out of the house, the two women from earlier on each arm. They approached the car and Ethan, with a satisfied grin on his face, leaned into Buffy's window.

"I had a feeling you two would be back for me. I'd ask if you figured it out yet, but it would appear you haven't." He kissed the two women passionately. "I'll be back for you both. Try not to kill each other while I'm gone." Buffy got out of the car to let him into the back. While she was waiting for him to get in, she noticed the women who had been running the puppet show waving to her from the window. They motioned for her to not let Ethan see what they were doing, so she tried to act normal as they held up a sign. 

"**L O O K I N H I S P O C K E T!!!!!!"**

Buffy snuck a glance at Ethan. He was settling himself as comfortably as possible in the small back seat and didn't notice. She looked back at the house, but the two women were gone. Trying to figure out why they told her this, she got back into the car. As they drove away, she suddenly felt a pain in her chest. 

"Faith is in trouble." 

Giles stopped the car. "What do you mean?"

Buffy looked at him. "I have no idea how I know, but we need to get to Faith as quickly as possible. She needs us."

Ethan poked his head between the seats. "You'd better hurry then. If anything happens to her, then this whole thing was a waste of time." He settled back into the seat, placing his feet in the space his head had just been. "Not that it hasn't been fun either way," he added with a grin. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Faith lay on the ground, trying to get past the pain. She had to make sure of something, but it was hard to remember what. Feeling a lump under her, she slowly recalled why she was on the ground in the first place. She slowly moved so that she could see if Travers was alive or dead, oblivious to the crowd that had gathered around them. The window she had thrown them out of was on the third floor, so she had managed to keep him under her until they hit, but she couldn't be sure if it was enough. She tried looking for a pulse, but the pounding of her own injuries made it hard to tell if he had one. Hearing sirens in the distance, she tried to sit up.

"Lay down honey, the ambulance will be here soon." A kindly male voice said. Looking up, she saw the old man from her dream. The only thing missing was the beard. "What happened?"

Faith tried to think around the pain in her head, tried to think of a believable lie. But it hurt to bad, so she stuck with the truth. "He was going to kill me." She whispered. "And he was going to hurt them next. I had to do something."

The old man looked at her and smiled. "You've grown. Not long ago, you would have just tried to save yourself. I'm proud of you." He patted her on the shoulder. "And don't worry about Travers. I'll take care of him." Just then the ambulance pulled up. 

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"Why would Snyder and Big Bertha get switched with Giles? That's what I'm trying to figure out." Xander said as he, Anya, and Willow sat in Giles living room, listening to the screams of the two downstairs. " And how did he survive getting eaten by the mayor? This is too freaky even for Sunnydale."

"It could be worse. They could have been switched with bunnies." Anya shuddered at the thought. 

"Yeah but with bunnies, it would be easier to know when they switched back. 'Cause with all the yelling their doing now, how would we know?" Xander replied.

"Well, we could ask them something that only they would know. Like, like, oh! I know, what did Giles wear on that Halloween that we all got trapped by the little bitty fear demon." Willow offered.

Xander giggled at the memory of the teeny demon.

"Or when am I getting a raise." Xander and Willow just looked at Anya. "What? That's something only Giles would know, isn't it?"

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Faith opened her eyes and looked around the room. It looked pretty much like every other hospital she had ever been in. She still hurt in too many places to count, but the pain had receded thanks to a combination of drugs and Slayer healing. Her mind cast back to the time she'd spend in a coma, and she was determined to get out of hospital much sooner this time.

The old man had ridden to the hospital with her, but she hadn't seen him since their arrival at the emergency room a couple of hours ago. He had given her name as Faith Snyder, and told her he was going to wait for her parents. As she lay there, she started to doze a little. 'Why would he say that?' she wondered. 'My parents are…' she sat up. "My parents are Buffy and Giles!" She said out loud. Then realizing how absurd that sounded, she was glad the nurse had left already. She lay back down and tried to compose herself. 'Why did I think that?' then she remembered the dreams. She sat up again just as the nurse came back into the room.

"Now Miss Snyder, you have to lay down. The doctor will be in soon to talk to you. You're in surprisingly good shape considering your fall. That man who fell with you wasn't so lucky. Where are you going?"

"I have to leave. I have to find…" The nurse pushed her back on the bed. 

"You don't have to find anyone. You have to stay in this bed until the doctor says you can get up. Besides you have visitors."

"V-visitors?"


	7. chapter 7

Disclaimer and notes with part one. ************************************* 

Giles had driven as fast as he dared to L.A. Whatever instinct had told Buffy Faith was in trouble had also told her that the other slayer was in a hospital, just not which one. They checked several of them, but no one matching Faith's description had been admitted. They were ready to give up, but decided to try one more. As they headed into the emergency room and were about to ask the nurse at the admittance desk, an old man stopped them. With a wink and a grin, he told them that their 'daughter' was here. He put his hands on Buffy's shoulders. 

"Don't worry 'son', she'll be fine. Lucky for you, I was around to let them know who she was. Now give your old man a hug." He put his arms around Buffy who, although confused, hugged him back. As they were embracing, the old man whispered in her ear, "And I took care of Travers for you. He won't be bothering you again for a long time."

Buffy pulled back, even more puzzled. "What's he got to do with this? I thought he was in England."

"Faith will tell you what you need to know. Then maybe you and your 'wife' can sort things out and get back to where you belong. Well, I must be toddling along now. Take good care of her." He patted Giles on the arm as he passed. Then seeing Ethan, he stopped for a second. "If it weren't for the fact that you still have something to do, I'd take care of you too. Maybe later." Then the old men left, leaving a stunned Buffy and Giles, and a visibly shaken Ethan, behind. 

Giles shook himself and said, "Perhaps we should find out where they're keeping her." He then turned to the nurse who had been standing there and asked what room Faith Snyder was in. After getting the room number, they started off. Once they found the room, Buffy stopped Giles outside the door. 

"How did you know she was here as Faith Snyder?"

"When the old man said it was our daughter, he made sure to call you son. It seemed like he was telling us that we had to pretend to be who we look like in order to get in to see her."

"Oh. Who was he anyway? He felt so familiar."

Giles just looked at her for a moment. "Damned if I know. But if he can put fear into Ethan, he can't be all that bad."

As they entered the room, Faith sat up. "Who are you? You're not with that damn Council, are you?"

Buffy stopped in her tracks. She was starting to get used to being Snyder and forgot that Faith didn't know anything about what had been going on. "Chill Faith, it's Buffy."

"B? What happened? You've really let yourself go. So who's that with you? Xander and Red?"

"No, she's Giles. That 's Ethan. You're allowed to hit him on the head if you want to." 

"Hey!" Giles and Ethan said at the same time. Ethan started to protest. Giles cut him off by saying, "It's my turn to hit him."

Faith started to laugh, but stopped when it hurt too bad. "So how did you know I was here? As far as I knew, the Council guy I took out was gonna come after you next."

Buffy moved closer to the bed. "I'm not sure. Something told me that you were in trouble and that we'd find you in a hospital." (Okay, we admit it. We put it in her head to speed things up. After all it gets us that much closer to Buffy/Giles smoochies. ;-P Eli and Ewie) 

"Well, I'm glad you're here. I have to tell you something important."

Giles spoke up. "If it's to tell us that we're actually a goddess and god of some sort, and that you're our daughter, we already figured that out."

Faith snorted. "No. You were supposed to figure that out on your own. I'm supposed to tell you to get your heads out of your butts and come home. That's the whole reason I left, where ever it is. You're both pretty much done here. They figured mom atoned enough for what she did, so they sent me to make sure you knew who you were and lead you back. I just sorta forgot who I was along the way. That's why it took so long."

Buffy and Giles just looked at each other. Ethan laughed. "I think you're forgetting something, my dear. They still have one more thing to do before they can go. Oh wait, you don't know. That's the reason I'm here."

Buffy started towards the sorcerer. "You've been jerking us around since this whole thing started. What else do you know?"

Ethan stood up, a grin still on his face. "You know, since I've been here, you've done nothing but abuse me. I'm back to normal and I've found true love, so tell me why should I do anything else for you?"

Buffy lunged at him and pinned him up against the wall. "Because I'll take your tonsils out through your stomach if you don't." As she held him there, her body against his for leverage, she felt something in his front pocket. Remembering what the women at the party had written on the sign, she reached in and started to pull it out.

"Why Buffy, if I'd known that you really wanted to have your way with me all along, I would have gladly obliged. Of course you aren't as attractive as usual, but I could have gotten past that."

"Shut up." Buffy snarled as she finally managed to get a small vial out of his pocket. It contained some kind of pinkish liquid that glowed faintly. She let go of Ethan and took the vial to Giles. "What is it?"

Giles opened it and sniffed. The magic in it was strong and the smell was familiar. "It's a magical truth serum. It gives off a magical smoke. Who ever breathes it in will admit their true feelings for someone." He walked over to Ethan. "What exactly were you planning on doing with this?"

Ethan rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, Ripper. How dense can you be? I was going to use it on you and that bird of yours. You both love each other, this was just going to get you to say it out loud. After all, that's all you really had to do to get back into your bodies. Admit what you feel and maybe have a snog."

Buffy stared at him wide eyed. "Then why did we go through all this? Why didn't you just give it to us and get it over with?"

"And miss out on all the fun and chaos it caused? Oh come now, you know me better than that. Besides, look at all the things you learned." Ethan seemed to actually gloat.

Buffy and Giles stared at him. Then they stared at each other. When neither seemed ready to say anything, Ethan produced another vial from somewhere in his clothing. Before they could move to stop him, he uncorked it and threw it at them. A cloud of pink smoke enveloped them, causing them to choke. But they just stood there. Ethan became confused. 

"You should be all over each other by now. Why isn't it working? "

"Because love isn't always about 'snogging' and sex and physical things, Ethan." Giles offered. "It's also about respect and caring and inner beauty. My respect for Buffy and how deeply I care for her, has kept me from pursuing something she wasn't ready for. While I think she's the most beautiful person I know, it's her inner beauty, her soul that I love most of all."

Buffy moved closer to Giles. "It means you trust the other person, even if you don't always understand why they do something. It means trying to protect the person, even if you don't realize you're doing it. I've always trusted Giles to take care of me, but didn't know how I wanted him to do it. And I did all those hurtful things to him, because I wanted to keep him from getting hurt worse by something else that might be after me."

By this time Giles and Buffy were close enough to touch. They looked into each others eyes. They forgot that they weren't in their normal bodies, their own essence shined out from their eyes. Buffy was Buffy, and Giles was Giles... the bodies didn't matter. That they were together did. Slowly they drew together and kissed. Just as their lips met, they disappeared. Ethan did a little dance. 

"Ha. I knew they'd finally get around to it." He turned to the bed. Faith was gone also. Ethan stood there for a moment. Finally, he turned and walked to the door. "Bugger this. I've got to get back to Dusty and Julie."


	8. chapter 8

Disclaimer and notes with part one. *********************************** 

All the characters of the fic found themselves standing in front of a computer screen and watched as the 2 authors discussed what to do for the ending.

Ewie: hey i just had a thought.. could the first slayer not actually *be* the one who's reincarnated but be like a spirit who takes over the body in the fight.. ahh I know what I mean.. but it means that Buffy is still buffy and Giles is still Giles but they have the spirit of the firsts inside them guiding them best they can.. 

elixie0: not a bad idea

Ewie: which means.. they can stay on Earth

Ewie: and just release the spirit.. 

elixie0: that would explain why the new slayer is around before the old one dies, but without power

Ewie: *nods*

elixie0: of course that might get rid of giles snarky answer to her when she asks about that

Ewie: LOL I love this chapter

Ewie: The smurfs LOL

elixie0: i take it you like what you've read

Ewie: man that was funny.. i still laughing

Ewie: LOL chopsticks LOL

elixie0: had to include them

Ewie: the sign LOL

Ewie: man

elixie0: well i trying to speed the story along

Ewie: that made me laugh.. I could just see us standing there.. 

Ewie: LOL I love it

elixie0: finished?

Ewie: yep

elixie0: like i said. now we need a silly ending

Ewie: I liked that ending Oh I know it could be us drawing the curtain over the puppet show... and the curtains closing on a kiss or something and you get one of the other nuts going "now that's the way it's MEANT to be"

Ewie: or.. Ethan could turn back.. and make dusty and julie turn with him lol

elixie0: or ethan could have dreamed it all

Ewie: LOL

elixie0: the ending could be the end of the party when Gail throws us out and we leave them hanging

Ewie: sounds good

elixie0: we are evil after all

Ewie: lol

elixie0: do you want to write it, or should i attempt the murder

Ewie: murder?

elixie0: well they will want to kill us after we leave them hanging

Ewie: ahhhhh

elixie0: i know. we can have Gail kick everyone out because someone fondles pert buttocks giles and so we just tell them, Buffy and Giles ended up staying, got married, had 6 kids and lived happily ever after

Ewie: LOL

Ewie: we could end it with us arguing over the ending... 

elixie0: lol. that's perfect

elixie0: so have we figured out who's writing the ending yet

Ewie: we could make this the ending.. LOL us going No I'm not writing it you should..

elixie0: heehee. we really are evil

Ewie: then we could do a *looks at reader* Bah, make your own ending up.. We're off to skin some fraggles

elixie0: yess! that's perfect

elixie0: we could just copy the conversation right from the yim

Ewie: LOL!

elixie0: in fact i just did

Ewie: LOL

elixie0: hmm. wonder if i should use the whole thing or just the bit where we talk about the ending

Ewie: we could have a long talk about the ending and use that

Ewie: from here

Ewie: But what happened to them? Did they go back to "heaven" or did they just stay on earth like always?

elixie0: i was thinking that they went to heaven, she decided to stay on earth since there were still vamps and giles stays with her, and faith wants to finish her prison term to make up for what she did

Ewie: Do they have sex?

Ewie: Not Buffy, Faith and Giles.. 

Ewie: just Buffy and Giles

elixie0: i was going to end it just as they were getting ready to.

elixie0: maybe have buffy feel dizzy again

Ewie: LOL!!

elixie0: give it an uh oh here we go again ending, but no sequel

Ewie: LOL

elixie0: Ok so the ending is us discussing the ending and saying 'ah the hell with it' basically

Ewie: Yeah I think that sounds good

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The characters just stood there in limbo, utterly confused. For a moment they were just too stunned to say anything. Finally Giles broke the silence.

"Bloody fic writers. They could at least tell us if we really do get to have mind-blowing sex or if we go back to pissing in the wind."

"I hate it when they leave us hanging like this. One of these days I'm gonna climb right out of the story and kick some butt." Buffy added.

Ethan snorted. "Well at least you two are together. I was on my way back to my women, when I got sucked in here. At least they didn't turn me back into a damn lizard."

"Well, I got to get out of prison, so I don't mind being here for a while." Faith said as she made herself comfortable.

Snyder and Bertha sat down next to her. "At least we're back in our own bodies. I don't think I could stand being tied up any longer. And those Fraggles were so damn annoying." The former principal griped. 

"Maybe I should have used them in the school lunches." His wife grumbled. "Then I wouldn't have needed the rat poison. The kids would have all gone into sugar comas and died."

"So now what do we do?" Buffy asked. Everyone turned to Giles.

"Well what the hell are you all staring at me for?" 


End file.
